I know you. You’re sick of it. You’re sick of feeling this way all the time. You feel like you’ve tried everything, but nothing has worked. They’re like a weight around your neck and you just don’t know what to do. Well, hang in there for a few minutes more and I might just have the simple solution you need.
What I want to talk about today is friends and relationships. Particularly the bad ones you have in your life. I’ve talked about it before, but bad friends are worse than having no friends. A bad friend keeps trapped in a place you don’t want to be, living a life you don’t want to live. No friends? You’re lonely sure, but you’re free to live how you want to. I’m not saying have no friends and be a lone wolf, no. Humans are social creatures and we go crazy without proper human interaction. What I’m saying is there’s a hierarchy to these things, and it’s pretty simple.
At the top: Good friends.
Below that: No friends.
At the bottom: Bad friends.
Now, I’d confidently say that you’ve probably heard some of these ideas before. Even if it’s just from me. But I can hear what you’re saying. I’ve been told it in response to my first video. “Sure boss, bad friends are bad, duh. But if getting rid of bad friends was that easy, nobody would have them.” And you’re exactly right. Getting rid of bad friends can be harder than getting blood out of white clothes. I know.
So, let me tell you a story. When I was younger, I had a best friend. Me and this guy were tight as anything. We got on like a house on fire. We were always talking, always hanging out. There were issues though. This guy was a chronic liar. He also engaged in some pretty scummy behaviour, not the kind of stuff I wanted to be associated with. After years and years of being friends, our lives were pretty intertwined, it was hard to pull away. It got to the point where a lot of the time we spent together just left me feeling worse. This guy became a true vibe sink. He was consistently negative and was really good at finding the right nasty thing to say to really bring you down.
Now, sadly, I’m sure some of you might have experienced similar people in your life. And I’m sure, just like me, you tried to do something about it.
The first thing I tried to do was talk to this guy about what was going on. He was my best friend and I cared about him, we also still got on like a house on fire, and I didn’t want to lose that. So, I tried talking to him. Any of you that have had similar friends can guess how that went. There was a complete denial of behaviour, or always a compelling excuse for it. This guy always knew the right thing to say. But things wouldn’t change. It was the same lies and terrible behaviour.
So, what next? Well, you get other people involved. Surely that will work. That went down like a lead balloon. Immediately we were the ones in the wrong singling him out. So, we ended up just grumbling behind his back, venting our frustrations. That’s not the kind of person I wanted to be.
This guy was stickier than glue. If you talked about distancing yourself or stepping back, he was on you like a fly on crap. If he did something that upset you and you reacted, you were the one in the wrong. It was a complete double-bind. Unwinnable. I was truly stuck, feeling like crap most of the time, but sometimes we’d have a laugh, a good laugh, and I’d use that to justify all the suffering.
So, what happened? Eventually, this guy took things too far. I found out he’d hooked up with an ex of mine at a party and when I pulled him aside to talk about it he lied to my face. I knew then that this wasn’t a him problem but a me problem.
After years of trying everything else, there was nothing left. So, what did I do?
What would you do?
Thankfully, I heard some of the best advice I’ve ever received. Coincidentally, I heard it when I wasn’t even looking for it and it sticks with me even now. The kind of person we’re talking about here, they want things to become a scene. They want a fire to fuel and a controversy to rally people around. So, simply, don’t give it to them.
Don’t make a fuss about it. Don’t confront them. Don’t even tell them. Just walk away. Don’t give them anything to latch onto. It sounds simple, and it honestly is. But often times the simplest answer is the best one. You might feel angry or aggrieved, but it’s not worth the effort. Moving on isn’t about condoning their behaviour but giving yourself the grace to live a better life.
So, what happened in my case? I just walked away. I stopped going to events with this guy. I stopped hanging out on discord where he would be. It was hard at first, I’d spent many years with this guy and the friends we’d shared, but it got easier with time. That was three years ago now. I see this guy at events now and then, and we still get along well, but our lives are no longer entwined and we’re both better off for it.
I want to stress that none of this is about revenge, or getting back at bad friends. You need to grow past that. This is about you. You need to make the changes and move on. It doesn’t matter what they’ve done or what they’re doing. We’re focusing on what you can do.
So, take a moment to look at your own life. If you’re here, there’s a chance you have a friend, or friends, you don’t want to be around. People that are making your life worse. I’ve told you what worked for me, and if your situation is anything like mine was, you have probably tried a number of things so far.
I can’t force you to do anything, nor would I want to. I can only offer what worked for me.
So, what are you going to do?